Clint Eastwood Narrates New Pro-Romney Ad, Makes It Sound Much More Epic Than It Actually Is

For a while, Clint Eastwood was the true third party in this election. After his endorsement for Romney, the Hollywood bravado set off a media firestorm with his self-destructive tirade against a stool during the RNC and his even more self-destructive explanation of said speech. We laughed, we cried, and we got over it real quick — kinda like Trouble With the Curve.

Since then, the star has remained relatively mum while the campaigns kicked into high gear heading into November. America took its attention off Dirty Harry to focus on the bigger issues at hand here, like the “binders of women” or Big Bird.

At least for the time being.

Think of it as a sequel to his “Halftime in America” pro-Detroit ad during the Super Bowl last year. In a new swing state spot for Karl Rove’s SuperPAC, Crossroads GPS, Eastwood has the following message for America:

“In the last few years, America’s been knocked down. Twenty-three million people can’t find full-time work, and we borrow 4 billion dollars every single day from China. When someone doesn’t get the job done, you gotta hold ’em accountable. Obama’s second term would just be a re-run of the first, and our country just couldn’t survive that. We need someone who can turn it around fast and that man is Mitt Romney. There’s not that much time left, and the future of our country is at stake.”

You’ve heard this all before if you’ve watched any of the debates or listened to Romney or Ryan for more than 20 seconds, America. But something about the voice of Eastwood makes that message come alive like never before. His rugged tone adds on another layer of anxiety to the already super-anxious message at hand. We are running out of time, guys, Romney is our only hope.

Then you Google “Eastwood RNC” and everything’s back to normal — just in time to watch Mystic River.


The Obama Campaign Ad Everyone on the Internet is Talking About

The Huffington Post’s homepage screams “OBAMA UNLOADS: BRUTAL NEW AD.” The term ‘brutal’ might be an overstatement; ‘laughable’ might be a bit more apropos. But the Obama campaign’s new ad, entitled “Firms,” is one to remember. Why? Because what’s better than an attack ad based on someone’s shitty singing skills.

In the video, the sound of Romney singing “America, the Beautiful” is eerily juxtaposed with news links stating that the Presidential challenger, both at Bain and in Massachusetts, outsourced our jobs to other countries. Now, Mitt has told reporters that these attacks are unfounded and, according to independent fact-checkers, he never outsourced any jobs while he was involved in private equity or government. And he may or may not be true: that is for the voters to decide come November.

But the intention of the video here is (kind of) clear: America, in Romney’s eyes, is not that beautiful, for jobs at least.

We remember when Romney’s rendition of the patriotic song took place: deep in the mire of the Republican primaries, the former Governor went looking for votes down in Florida. And he found his crowd at a retirement home, which, is like, the norm in Florida, right? To connect with a demographic he already had in the bag, the Bain man started belting out the tunes. Watch the video here and FYI: look at the faces in the audience. Yes, you will feel awkward… but in a great way.

Now, this video went viral just ten days after another classic did: Obama singing Al Green at the Apollo. Clearly, Romney wanted to tell voters that he, too, be as cool as his rival and sing his heart out (regardless of this whole re-invention of singing contests on television, is that a credential for the Oval Office?). But why “America, the Beautiful?” Come on, Romney; if you’re going to sing for us, sing “Call Me Maybe” or, like, “Cotton Eye Joe.” Patriotic songs are wonderful and all but they don’t really get a crowd going.

So the next step in Romney’s ad campaign is simple: juxtapose all the failures of the Obama Presidency with his Al Green tune. Imagine a video where news accounts that read “Guantanamo Still Open” or “Drone Attacks Continue” while Obama swoons, “Soooo in loveeee with youuuu.” First off, think of the shock value this ad could have on the media. Second, Mitt’s main problem with his voter connection is his reputation for being out of touch with seemingly everyone in the Universe. This dose of humor would fix that in a heartbeat.

Attention, Mr. Romney: we just gave you the greatest ad idea since the Daisy days of Lyndon B. Johnson. Run with it… it’s for your own good.


Bloomberg Did Not Particularly Like His Nanny Clothes in Ad

Who knew an overdose on calories could piss so many people off?

After Mayor Bloomberg announced his soda ban this past week, the blogosphere and Tweet-world exploded with arguments over whether or not this was a legal move against obesity. And the tensions were high: fellow Voice writer James King vented his frustration against the “nanny state” move and wrote, “Mike Bloomberg says his Big Gulp ban doesn’t take away the rights of anyone – which is bullshit.”
This bubbly opposition culminated in a full-page ad taken out in yesterday’s New York Times, paid for by The Center for Consumer Freedom, an activist business group that is funded by restaurants, food companies and individual consumers, according to their website. The page depicts Bloomberg as a Photoshop-ed Nanny, in the vein of Mrs. Doubtfire, hovering over New York City with the declaration of “New Yorkers Need a Mayor, Not a Nanny.”
But the Hozziner was more upset about the clothing choice of the ad then its actual political content.

At a press conference this morning, Bloomberg insisted that reporters asked him about the Nanny ad. And he had this to say to Times reporter Kate Taylor:

He has a good point: that picture is going to haunt our dreams for days to come… courtesy of The Center for Consumer Freedom. We all remember the last time a Mayor decided to throw a dress on and Giuliani did it willingly.

It probably would have been a bit more appropriate to answer the questions posed in the ad. Especially these “hard-hitting” and logical questions in its full text:

Bye, Bye, Venti. Nanny Bloomberg has taken his strange obsession with what you eat one step further. He now wants to make it illegal to serve “sugary drinks” bigger than 16 oz. What’s next? Limits on the width of a pizza slice, size of a hamburger or amount of cream cheese on your bagel?”

Are you going to stop me from enjoying my poppy seed bagel, Bloomberg? Who cares about the dress; what about my burger from Shake Shack? And are we all going to be doomed to eating slivers of Sicilian slices for years to come?

The only thing we know for sure is that Bloomberg would never wear a Nanny dress. And that’s simply not the information we’re looking for.