Stone Soup Theatre Arts is hosting a beauty pageant that we can all feel good about. Rest assured, there won’t be any wild-party-girl-in-need-of-rehab headlines or criminal allegations of sabotage (i.e., pepper-sprayed makeup or costumes), nor can we expect serious verbal gaffes of Miss South Carolinian Teen USA proportions (as in “the Iraq—everywhere like such as”). But make no mistake: There will be bitches to contend with. After all, it’s the Third Annual Barking Beauty Pageant. The evening will be filled with active wear, glamour wear, and talent competitions, along with industry judges and a colorful pair of hosts— national-pageant moderator Leslie Hughes and her Yorkshire terrier, SalliSue. So come on out and watch man’s best friend exude a bit more civility and class than those challenged Trump beauties.

Sun., April 27, 6 p.m., 2008