Critical Boondoggle
The Hold Steady write a new album called Monkey Pissing in Its Own Mouth While Listening to Jet Down in Ybor City, Pitchfork gives it a 9.5.
Review consists of a YouTube link to that Indian midget breakdancing.
Yuletide Debacle
Ladies and gentlemen, the Twisted Sister Christmas album.
Marquee item at your office Ironic Douchebag Secret Santa Gift Exchange. Note the Lita Ford duet.
Album of the Year This Week
The absurdist, righteous majesty of Meat Loaf’s Bat Out of Hell III: The Monster Is Loose.
You run off and bring what you think is a better album back here, and we’ll scoff at your foolishness and punch you in the face. Note the duet with a random teenager on metalled-up Céline Dion hit “It’s All Coming Back to Me Now.”
Alarming Anxiety Indictor
Threatening to beat people up for disagreeing with you about the new Meat Loaf album.
Time to lay off the Mountain Dew.
Blog Dalliance
Idolator’s totally random shout-out to Babe the Blue Ox.
Sweet band.
Cry For Help
Devendra Banhart’s psychotic guest blog on janemag.com.
With witty, sensual come-ons like “I also sang ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’ to a carrot cake” and “pppuuummmpppkkiiinnn, it is a lovely word,” he’s gonna wind up defiling new colleague Sarah the 29-year-old blogging virgin. Their children will be unable to speak.
Sporting Trifle
Legitimate concern that a Mets-Yankees World Series would have inspired Sufjan Stevens to write a full-orchestra triple-album entitled Lo! The Steroid-Addled Beasts Clash in the Friscalating Dusklight! or some crap.
Thanks, Tigers.